Alright, gather round tour, were off to our next charming destination! What? No, Im sorry, breakfast is not included in the tour price, it says, quite clearly, in the fine print, to please provide your own food. But wipe off that scowly face, because were off to Hoth! This ice-covered winter wonderland is home to one of the Rebellions most humiliating defeats. Youll notice how there is little here now, seeing as the Empire destroyed it all. Which leaves us with absolutely no shelter from the bitter cold and driving winds, and some of you really arent dressed for it. You there, are you trying to look like a blatant tourist? Bermuda shorts? Honestly. Come on, tour, were out of here. I havent liked this place too much anyway since my unfortunate run-in with a wampa ice creature two years ago.
Next stop: Dagobah.
|This swampy backwater paradise was the
home of Yoda, Jedi Master and trainer of Luke
Skywalker. Look, theres the Yoda House
now! If you like, you can all squeeze inside for a
picture or two. Yeah, Yoda was a little guy.
Very little. If you crawl on your hands and knees,
you can get in and get a good look at the kitchen.
Its an adorable little house, actually.
Its been restored after Yodas death at a ripe
old age. So its probably best that we
dont nose around in the attic. God only knows
what he managed to accumulate in 900 years. Ascetic
Jedi lifestyle, my left knee.
If you look to the right there, youll see the Cave of Darkness, where Luke Skywalker confronted his own inner darkness during his training. The prudent traveler would not approach this particular landmark, unless he or she is unusually well-adjusted and comfortable in their own particular identity, or they will probably be scarred for life.
Feel free to take a quick run around the swamp obstacle course that Luke used, although of course you wont be able to do any of the things requiring Force levitation or- well, maybe you can. Good for you, maam. You might consider a career in the Jedi field. Alright, lets pack back into the Yoda House for a nap. Were behind schedule, and weve got another place to visit yet.
The End Is Near. On to Day Three.