Day Three. Dear God, Let It End.


Honestly, I thought we’d never make it to Endor, what with that strange, unintentional detour through the ruins of Alderaan, the planet destroyed by the Empire’s first Death Star.  I hope the tour wasn’t too severely disturbed by the huge asteroids slamming into the starship’s hull like that.  It’s not really a usual stop on the tour, I assure you.



Anyway, here we are.  Endor.  The defeat of the second Death Star, and in fact, of the whole Empire, happened here.  Try to keep it down as you wander through the magnificent redwood forest.  If you see beady little eyes watching you through the underbrush, tread carefully.  Endor, you see, is the home of the dread Ewok, devourer of man, destroyer of all that is good, friend to no one—ma’am….ma’am… put it DOWN!  No, it’s not a cute little fuzzy wuzzy teddy bear, it’s an Ewok!! Run!!



Okay, so they’re not exactly the terror of the galaxy.  But they are rather jumpy and paranoid, and if they don’t end up poking you with their little spears, they try to worship you as a god.

No, no, back off, you overgrown children’s toys! I have no interest in becoming the Ewok Queen. Torture some other tour guide. And let that young man out of the hanging net this instant!

Ewoks. Honestly.


Onward to the Imperial compound, which Rebel forces infiltrated in order to bring the Death Star’s shields down.  You can still see, to this day, relics of the massive victory party that took place here once evil was vanquished once and for all.  If you gaze from the landing platform into the forest, you can, once again, spot several large pieces of Death Star debris




Well, folks, we are out of time here on the Poor Fan’s Guide to the Galaxy.  I hope you’ve found it fun, I hope you’ve been enlightened, I hope you don’t sue.  Thanks for coming, except maybe for you, in the Bermuda shorts.  You had your thumb over the lens for every single one of your pictures.  Feel free to tip the tour guide on your way out the door, and have an excellent day.


Going Back Home So Soon?