purpose_of_a_man:  Hello, Ali

alirobinson: hey, kiddo.  what's going on?

purpose_of_a_man:  Got back from a blind date... nothing happening

purpose_of_a_man:  she ditched me politely, though, so that was nice  

alirobinson: ooh, blind date, huh... featured on the tv show?

purpose_of_a_man:  Not necessarily...

alirobinson: (sorry, i got hooked on the blasted program at school)

purpose_of_a_man:  Save that one for the glee reel, Ali  

purpose_of_a_man:  How about you?  You doing well?

alirobinson: yeah, getting back into the swing of things here at home.

alirobinson: you?

purpose_of_a_man:  Good to hear...

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm... lacking direction.

purpose_of_a_man:  I don't really understand who I am, exactly, and 
that's making it difficult to get a fix on things

alirobinson: oh, ok.. turn left on oak street, go three blocks, then it's the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

alirobinson: that makes an awful lot of sense.

alirobinson: i've been doing a bit of soul searcing lately myself.

alirobinson: soul searching, even.

alirobinson: anything in particular bothering you? (besides my smart ass comments?)

purpose_of_a_man:  the smart ass comments are welcome... and it's just... well, the date...

alirobinson: what happened?

purpose_of_a_man:  she and I had a lot in common... she's even a Piers Anthony reader

alirobinson: i've heard that he's fantastic

purpose_of_a_man:  but just... it was so damned awkward

alirobinson: why?

alirobinson: did you know her at all?

purpose_of_a_man:  yahoo personals

purpose_of_a_man:  bck on that rollercoaster

alirobinson: whee?

purpose_of_a_man:  more whimper

alirobinson: ouch.

purpose_of_a_man:  she seemed fun and zany and wacky and perfect to spend some funtime with... but, nothing.

purpose_of_a_man:  what am I, Ali?

purpose_of_a_man:  I don't know... like I've dropped it along the way

alirobinson: well,  my first insticnt is to call you a purple marker, my second to positively identify you as a spork, but all in all...

alirobinson: i'd say you're someone in the process of changing.

purpose_of_a_man:  I don't supposed you'd have an idea of what emerges from this chrysalis, do you? idea what will

alirobinson: not yet, (seriously) but i'll think on it if you like... i'd be inclined to say that you're the only one who can answer that.

purpose_of_a_man:  exactly... and if I have no clue... then I'm seriously out of luck.

alirobinson: no you aren't.

alirobinson: no offense, but that's a ridiculous statement.

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm listening

alirobinson: christmas presents aren't bad just cuz you don't know what's in them... the waiting is a major part of the joy.

purpose_of_a_man:  but it's implied that a christmas present has something wonderful inside... I could be opening a Pandora's box

alirobinson: with hope at the bottom, don't forget.  it's the most precious gift mankind was ever given.

alirobinson: even better than getting cherries and paper umbrellas in one's driks.

purpose_of_a_man:  I'll have to wait and see.  Patience...

purpose_of_a_man:  and you, Ali... what are you discovering?

alirobinson: i hate patience... i make a point to never have any myself.

purpose_of_a_man:  (he ever so craftily changed the subject)

alirobinson: i'm discovering that who i am when i'm alone and who i 
am when i'm around others are two very different people, and i'm not 
certain that  i like the difference.

purpose_of_a_man:  You as well...

alirobinson: 'fraid so.

purpose_of_a_man:  If we we're standing face to face right now, I couldn't b this honest

alirobinson: if we were standing face to face right now, i'd die of shame... i'm in my most well-loved pair of pajamas.

purpose_of_a_man:  I'd most likely get absorbed in this that or the other...

purpose_of_a_man:  Shame?  For what?

alirobinson: for the fact that these pajamas were given to me when i was twelve.

purpose_of_a_man:  well... I've worn this belt since I was fourteen

purpose_of_a_man:  so, yeah

alirobinson: but i also wouldn't let the conversation get onto the subject of me... which means...

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm...

alirobinson: time to change the topic again.

alirobinson: you're???

purpose_of_a_man:  it's my insecurities or yours, I'm afraid, but I'll take my turn

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm...
purpose_of_a_man:  lost...
purpose_of_a_man:  I'm suddenly...
purpose_of_a_man:  You heard that diatribe I once recited before everyone I knew... the " I am the man who loves all women" speech

alirobinson: yes.

purpose_of_a_man:  it's o longer an ideal concept I've ennobled myself with... it's become reality... I'm attracted to every woman I see...

alirobinson: except for those who read piers anthony and are zany, apparently.

purpose_of_a_man:  No, that was part of the awkwardness...

purpose_of_a_man:  she thought herself chubby, but I kept thinking of her different aspects... to the point of... Ali, what's happening?

alirobinson: well, to be terribly banal about it... you are a 19 year old male, no?  i'd say you're being absolutely normal.

purpose_of_a_man:  no... this isn't normal.  If it were acceptibly normal, than socially accepted boundaries would curb my desire, but... Ali, there's not a woman who can consider erself safe...

alirobinson: lock your doors and keep your daughters inside? matthew prowls the streets? c'mon, matt.

purpose_of_a_man:  You know what it's like to have a man look at you... to feel like your under a dissecting ens, to know that he's analyzing your every line and curve...

purpose_of_a_man:  it isn't right for a man to invade a woman's privacy like that

alirobinson: well, i suppose this is true, although i hesitate to say that it's hardly one sided.

alirobinson: i disticntly remember some abercrombie catalogs that got passed around... and that's ALL  i'll admit to.

purpose_of_a_man:  Most of we men seem not to care about our appearance, a nonchalance that justifies a woman's angers

alirobinson: english, matt... don't try to dress up what you're saying.  

purpose_of_a_man:  Like we have it so damned easy

purpose_of_a_man:  what women torture themselves over means almost nothing to us

alirobinson: men?

purpose_of_a_man:  yes

alirobinson: ahh.

alirobinson: i see.

purpose_of_a_man:  I've wandered

alirobinson: the world?

alirobinson: the mall?

alirobinson: up the street to the mailbox?

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm... more worried about what effects my eyes have on women who are by choice my friends and nothing more

alirobinson: ahh.

alirobinson: that does get tricky.

purpose_of_a_man:  tricky?

purpose_of_a_man:  Ali...

alirobinson: friendship/relationships...hold on, mom wants something.

alirobinson: bah... i have to go all the way out to the car.  i'll 
only be a minute.

purpose_of_a_man:  okay

alirobinson: ok, i'm back.

alirobinson: now, let me get this straight.

purpose_of_a_man:  yes

alirobinson: are you having a problem  with a friend wanting more 
than friendship?

purpose_of_a_man:  no.. I'm having a problem wanting friends to be more than friends... even if I say nothing, I confess with my eyes

alirobinson: and what do they want?

purpose_of_a_man:  Sighs...

purpose_of_a_man:  You tell me.

alirobinson: i'm only a little removed from the situation, matt.

alirobinson: i really wouldn't know... i can give you a general female perspective....

purpose_of_a_man:  N, Ali... that's the hell of it... you aren't.

purpose_of_a_man:  that's the gravity of the situation... no one woman I know is absolutely free of it

alirobinson: ahh. ok, well, it's been my experience that you have to define, at some point, friend/(potential)lover situations... and then, it becomes a very definate line.  

alirobinson: when that line gets blurry, people get hurt.

purpose_of_a_man:  that's what I fear.

purpose_of_a_man:  knowing that, what's my solution?  Ignorance?

alirobinson: then make a list... y'know... joan:friend jenny ossible hook up jessica:friend.... 

alirobinson: and don't let it go.

purpose_of_a_man:  but the list keeps changing on me...

alirobinson: ok, that makes sense.

purpose_of_a_man:  I want this done with, but I'm not willing to hurt someone who's only curious

purpose_of_a_man:  leaping into relationships causes further problems

alirobinson: look, you'll always have friends that you'll find 
attactive, a basic part of friendship is seeing the best in the other person

alirobinson: but you are extremely perceptive, i'm certain that if you think about it you'll be able to discern the two types.

purpose_of_a_man:  my perspective isn't drawing me any clear ones...

alirobinson: then walk away.. don't think about it for a few days.  then, when your mind is clearer, your options will be too.

purpose_of_a_man:  it seems like all stereotypes are dissolving

alirobinson: ??

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm losing all my preconceptons... t's like having to start over

alirobinson: is that necessarilly a bad thing?

purpose_of_a_man:  What is a friend, a loer, where are te lines drawn, are suddenly irrelevant to me... I find myself asking if there 
are lines at all

alirobinson: there are, that's a given.

alirobinson: and if you're confused about your personal lines, revert to society's lines for a while... you're chivalric enough to do so with ease.

purpose_of_a_man:  was chivalric enough... how can I be certain now?

purpose_of_a_man:  I'm losing matthew

alirobinson: you can only lose things that you don't value... do you value your sense of chivalry? obviously you do, or you wouldn't be worrying about it.

purpose_of_a_man:  The man iwas never would have brought you into this conversaton, for fear of confusing you, personally...

alirobinson: now, i would say that i was rather safe...

purpose_of_a_man:  I worry about people... chivalry seems less and less important every day

alirobinson: as a consultant, i mean.

alirobinson: i'm isolated from the situation, i don't have preconcieved notions or a stake in the outcomes...

alirobinson: the more you worry about people, the more moral standards come into play.

purpose_of_a_man:  and you're entirely comfortable in the friendship you feel for me.  secure that the apprpriate lines are in place  

alirobinson: yes.

purpose_of_a_man:  So i should stop worrying about you?

purpose_of_a_man:  In that respect, at least

alirobinson: life is far less complicated in general when people stop worrying about me, matt.. but yes, you can.

purpose_of_a_man:  So I then define my actions by others guidelines?

alirobinson: until you feel secure in setting your own, yes.

purpose_of_a_man:  Thank you, Ali.

alirobinson: you're welcome, of course.

purpose_of_a_man:  I had not suspected I could do this, but now I'm more confident

alirobinson: sometimes people just need a friend to be a sounding board... 

alirobinson: matt, i hate to do this, but i've got to get up early... can i let you go?

purpose_of_a_man:  Yes, please do

alirobinson: ok.  g'night matt... good luck.

purpose_of_a_man:  I've quite a bit to work out

purpose_of_a_man:  But you helped veyr much

purpose_of_a_man:  Goodnight