purpose_of_a_man: Hello, Ali alirobinson: hey, kiddo. what's going on? purpose_of_a_man: Got back from a blind date... nothing happening purpose_of_a_man: she ditched me politely, though, so that was nice alirobinson: ooh, blind date, huh... featured on the tv show? purpose_of_a_man: Not necessarily... alirobinson: (sorry, i got hooked on the blasted program at school) purpose_of_a_man: Save that one for the glee reel, Ali purpose_of_a_man: How about you? You doing well? alirobinson: yeah, getting back into the swing of things here at home. alirobinson: you? purpose_of_a_man: Good to hear... purpose_of_a_man: I'm... lacking direction. purpose_of_a_man: I don't really understand who I am, exactly, and that's making it difficult to get a fix on things alirobinson: oh, ok.. turn left on oak street, go three blocks, then it's the second star to the right and straight on till morning. alirobinson: that makes an awful lot of sense. alirobinson: i've been doing a bit of soul searcing lately myself. alirobinson: soul searching, even. alirobinson: anything in particular bothering you? (besides my smart ass comments?) purpose_of_a_man: the smart ass comments are welcome... and it's just... well, the date... alirobinson: what happened? purpose_of_a_man: she and I had a lot in common... she's even a Piers Anthony reader alirobinson: i've heard that he's fantastic purpose_of_a_man: but just... it was so damned awkward alirobinson: why? alirobinson: did you know her at all? purpose_of_a_man: yahoo personals purpose_of_a_man: bck on that rollercoaster alirobinson: whee? purpose_of_a_man: more whimper alirobinson: ouch. purpose_of_a_man: she seemed fun and zany and wacky and perfect to spend some funtime with... but, nothing. purpose_of_a_man: what am I, Ali? purpose_of_a_man: I don't know... like I've dropped it along the way alirobinson: well, my first insticnt is to call you a purple marker, my second to positively identify you as a spork, but all in all... alirobinson: i'd say you're someone in the process of changing. purpose_of_a_man: I don't supposed you'd have an idea of what emerges from this chrysalis, do you? idea what will alirobinson: not yet, (seriously) but i'll think on it if you like... i'd be inclined to say that you're the only one who can answer that. purpose_of_a_man: exactly... and if I have no clue... then I'm seriously out of luck. alirobinson: no you aren't. alirobinson: no offense, but that's a ridiculous statement. purpose_of_a_man: I'm listening alirobinson: christmas presents aren't bad just cuz you don't know what's in them... the waiting is a major part of the joy. purpose_of_a_man: but it's implied that a christmas present has something wonderful inside... I could be opening a Pandora's box alirobinson: with hope at the bottom, don't forget. it's the most precious gift mankind was ever given. alirobinson: even better than getting cherries and paper umbrellas in one's driks. purpose_of_a_man: I'll have to wait and see. Patience... purpose_of_a_man: and you, Ali... what are you discovering? alirobinson: i hate patience... i make a point to never have any myself. purpose_of_a_man: (he ever so craftily changed the subject) alirobinson: i'm discovering that who i am when i'm alone and who i am when i'm around others are two very different people, and i'm not certain that i like the difference. purpose_of_a_man: You as well... alirobinson: 'fraid so. purpose_of_a_man: If we we're standing face to face right now, I couldn't b this honest alirobinson: if we were standing face to face right now, i'd die of shame... i'm in my most well-loved pair of pajamas. purpose_of_a_man: I'd most likely get absorbed in this that or the other... purpose_of_a_man: Shame? For what? alirobinson: for the fact that these pajamas were given to me when i was twelve. purpose_of_a_man: well... I've worn this belt since I was fourteen purpose_of_a_man: so, yeah alirobinson: but i also wouldn't let the conversation get onto the subject of me... which means... purpose_of_a_man: I'm... alirobinson: time to change the topic again. alirobinson: you're??? purpose_of_a_man: it's my insecurities or yours, I'm afraid, but I'll take my turn purpose_of_a_man: I'm... purpose_of_a_man: lost... purpose_of_a_man: I'm suddenly... purpose_of_a_man: You heard that diatribe I once recited before everyone I knew... the " I am the man who loves all women" speech alirobinson: yes. purpose_of_a_man: it's o longer an ideal concept I've ennobled myself with... it's become reality... I'm attracted to every woman I see... alirobinson: except for those who read piers anthony and are zany, apparently. purpose_of_a_man: No, that was part of the awkwardness... purpose_of_a_man: she thought herself chubby, but I kept thinking of her different aspects... to the point of... Ali, what's happening? alirobinson: well, to be terribly banal about it... you are a 19 year old male, no? i'd say you're being absolutely normal. purpose_of_a_man: no... this isn't normal. If it were acceptibly normal, than socially accepted boundaries would curb my desire, but... Ali, there's not a woman who can consider erself safe... alirobinson: lock your doors and keep your daughters inside? matthew prowls the streets? c'mon, matt. purpose_of_a_man: You know what it's like to have a man look at you... to feel like your under a dissecting ens, to know that he's analyzing your every line and curve... purpose_of_a_man: it isn't right for a man to invade a woman's privacy like that alirobinson: well, i suppose this is true, although i hesitate to say that it's hardly one sided. alirobinson: i disticntly remember some abercrombie catalogs that got passed around... and that's ALL i'll admit to. purpose_of_a_man: Most of we men seem not to care about our appearance, a nonchalance that justifies a woman's angers alirobinson: english, matt... don't try to dress up what you're saying. purpose_of_a_man: Like we have it so damned easy purpose_of_a_man: what women torture themselves over means almost nothing to us alirobinson: men? purpose_of_a_man: yes alirobinson: ahh. alirobinson: i see. purpose_of_a_man: I've wandered alirobinson: the world? alirobinson: the mall? alirobinson: up the street to the mailbox? purpose_of_a_man: I'm... more worried about what effects my eyes have on women who are by choice my friends and nothing more alirobinson: ahh. alirobinson: that does get tricky. purpose_of_a_man: tricky? purpose_of_a_man: Ali... alirobinson: friendship/relationships...hold on, mom wants something. alirobinson: bah... i have to go all the way out to the car. i'll only be a minute. purpose_of_a_man: okay alirobinson: ok, i'm back. alirobinson: now, let me get this straight. purpose_of_a_man: yes alirobinson: are you having a problem with a friend wanting more than friendship? purpose_of_a_man: no.. I'm having a problem wanting friends to be more than friends... even if I say nothing, I confess with my eyes alirobinson: and what do they want? purpose_of_a_man: Sighs... purpose_of_a_man: You tell me. alirobinson: i'm only a little removed from the situation, matt. alirobinson: i really wouldn't know... i can give you a general female perspective.... purpose_of_a_man: N, Ali... that's the hell of it... you aren't. purpose_of_a_man: that's the gravity of the situation... no one woman I know is absolutely free of it alirobinson: ahh. ok, well, it's been my experience that you have to define, at some point, friend/(potential)lover situations... and then, it becomes a very definate line. alirobinson: when that line gets blurry, people get hurt. purpose_of_a_man: that's what I fear. purpose_of_a_man: knowing that, what's my solution? Ignorance? alirobinson: then make a list... y'know... joan:friend jenny ossible hook up jessica:friend.... alirobinson: and don't let it go. purpose_of_a_man: but the list keeps changing on me... alirobinson: ok, that makes sense. purpose_of_a_man: I want this done with, but I'm not willing to hurt someone who's only curious purpose_of_a_man: leaping into relationships causes further problems alirobinson: look, you'll always have friends that you'll find attactive, a basic part of friendship is seeing the best in the other person alirobinson: but you are extremely perceptive, i'm certain that if you think about it you'll be able to discern the two types. purpose_of_a_man: my perspective isn't drawing me any clear ones... alirobinson: then walk away.. don't think about it for a few days. then, when your mind is clearer, your options will be too. purpose_of_a_man: it seems like all stereotypes are dissolving alirobinson: ?? purpose_of_a_man: I'm losing all my preconceptons... t's like having to start over alirobinson: is that necessarilly a bad thing? purpose_of_a_man: What is a friend, a loer, where are te lines drawn, are suddenly irrelevant to me... I find myself asking if there are lines at all alirobinson: there are, that's a given. alirobinson: and if you're confused about your personal lines, revert to society's lines for a while... you're chivalric enough to do so with ease. purpose_of_a_man: was chivalric enough... how can I be certain now? purpose_of_a_man: I'm losing matthew alirobinson: you can only lose things that you don't value... do you value your sense of chivalry? obviously you do, or you wouldn't be worrying about it. purpose_of_a_man: The man iwas never would have brought you into this conversaton, for fear of confusing you, personally... alirobinson: now, i would say that i was rather safe... purpose_of_a_man: I worry about people... chivalry seems less and less important every day alirobinson: as a consultant, i mean. alirobinson: i'm isolated from the situation, i don't have preconcieved notions or a stake in the outcomes... alirobinson: the more you worry about people, the more moral standards come into play. purpose_of_a_man: and you're entirely comfortable in the friendship you feel for me. secure that the apprpriate lines are in place alirobinson: yes. purpose_of_a_man: So i should stop worrying about you? purpose_of_a_man: In that respect, at least alirobinson: life is far less complicated in general when people stop worrying about me, matt.. but yes, you can. purpose_of_a_man: So I then define my actions by others guidelines? alirobinson: until you feel secure in setting your own, yes. purpose_of_a_man: Thank you, Ali. alirobinson: you're welcome, of course. purpose_of_a_man: I had not suspected I could do this, but now I'm more confident alirobinson: sometimes people just need a friend to be a sounding board... alirobinson: matt, i hate to do this, but i've got to get up early... can i let you go? purpose_of_a_man: Yes, please do alirobinson: ok. g'night matt... good luck. purpose_of_a_man: I've quite a bit to work out purpose_of_a_man: But you helped veyr much purpose_of_a_man: Goodnight