Canon According to Ali

CANON
According to Ali:

The universe revised and edited as necessary for sanity.

Well, if you're a halfway normal human being (notice I didn't say entirely normal--I don't hold anyone to standards I don't keep myself) you're probably wondering what the devil "Canon According to Ali" means. As one of my favorite teachers would say, don't fret it, cuz I'm about to tell you.

Of course, there's always two versions of the truth. The first one goes back over three years, to the day I created my first page (using a QuickPage utility, bless my heart). Then I had grand delusions of launching a spectacular website where my opinions would become the topics of conversation around water coolers worldwide. Unfortunately, Seinfeld and Monica Lewinsky had that market cornered, so for the next few years I messed around, reading Rogue Squadron books, perusing my favorite online haunts and occasionally playing at web design. I'd basically given up on offering any Star Wars gems, deciding that there would always be people with more knowledge and more expertise than little old me. Now, with Canon, I've just gotten around to finishing what I started.

That's only the first version, though. The second one (and the ones that my friends would tell you, if I'd let them), is that I'm too much of a loudmouth to keep my thoughts to myself for long. What? Let the Star Wars universe actually evolve and develop with out my input and, more importantly, my express permission? I'd rather kiss a woo... I'd rather kiss Puke Skywhiner. I don't get involved and we have things like Bail Antilles popping up all over the place. I mean, how can Wedge have a personal vehicle when he doesn't even have a personal life? Isn't he always either in his X-wing or on a base? Don't they have public transportation on Coruscant? And why would Wedge put Tycho on speeder duty instead of putting him in the sky when they have about thirty seconds to take down a planet? Canon, then, would be my way to publicly praise and/or mock the little things that run through my mind in the course of a day (all three thousand and four of them).

Anyway, regardless of the reasons for it, I'm bored, I'm back, and I'm fed up with fans toadeating at the George Lucas shrine. In my humble opinion, after TPM, he owes us big time. So, what better way to start this series of rants than by clearly defining what is and isn't canon according to me.

Oh, and if you don't like something I have to say in one article, stick around. I'll post another one as soon as my partner in crime, Edallia Monotheer, pesters me until I jump like a prodded bantha.