Stuff I Know

CANON
According to Ali:

The universe revised and edited as necessary for sanity.

It's amazing what a few hours at fanfiction.net will do for you. Some stories are amazing, some are (with all due respect) bone-cringingly bad. But that's not important just now. The one thing that fanfiction does is focus some things very clearly. These are the facts that every &nbspself-respecting junkie knows, because every self-respecting author (and even a few who don't), mentions them at some point in the story.

Therefore, in the interest of enlightening any newbies (or perhaps just to laugh at our much-loved conventions), this is what six years of being a SW Junkie has taught me:

(Hey, it's a good place to start.) Has anyone noticed yet that after any battle, meal, or period of brief, intermittant breathing, Wedge must stop to reflect on the many pilots he has lost over the years? (Although he NEVER seems to realize this means he's a kick-ass pilot in these moments... stupid Wedge.)

Edallia's note-- Yeah, and except for when ghostly holograms of the dead pilots are involved, it sucks!

Wes is capable of only one running gag--and at some point in the scene it will be included. And that joke is..... drumroll please..... Yub Yub. After billions of years flying with Wedge, this joke, I am compelled to assume, marked the pinnacle of Rogue-related humor.

Also, if it is humanly possible for a smart-aleck comment to be inserted, Wes will be happy to provide one. He is the only Rogue cleared for "witty banter."

Did you know that Hobbie is widely considered to be "mournful"? Huh? Nope, neither did I. Oh, and after the sixth appearance in the novels, I also picked up on the fact that his name was, in fact, misspelled in the comics.

If Wedge ever needs to cut loose, Tycho is ready to take up the "Commander Square-Corners" mantle for him. This guy doesn't belong in a fighter squadron, he belongs in a board room!

Seriously, although Tycho is my favorite, he spends just a bit too much time being a sidekick, or otherwise boring. Edallia and I plan on one day marketing a line of Rogue Squadron dolls/action figures, and one of our first releases will be "Traffic Cop Tycho."

(Coming soon in the Rogue Dolls: Rustic Farmer Wedge... for that spectacular scene in Union &nbspwhere he discusses the wedding with Iella.)

If any sort of unusual activity is to be engaged in, particularly if its purpose is to confuse the enemy, a "skifter" is inserted into the deck.

And why is it that pilots, alone of all the beings of the galaxy, are able to interpret the droid language? The rest of the universe uses 3POs.

I'll ignore the sublime in favor of the obvious here... Corellians have a strange Freudian relationship with the odds. Perhaps their mothers didn't hug them enough.

However, if Corellian culture needs to be further explored, listen to Corran Horn for three minutes or four lines. . . some arcane Corellian tradition will be revealed.

-- If you face difficult circumstances, your wingmate will be in one of two places. He is either "tucked up behind" you, or he is "too far away to get there in time."

-- At some point in time, a Rep pilot will mourn the loss of his Imperial foe... for about three seconds.

-- In any, absolutely any, situation, one must "cut the chatter." Or at least be told to do so.

--At some point during the battle, a pilot will take precious moments of his time and attention to trade witty banter with his astromech. I feel compelled to note here that he *READS* the droid's comments... is this the leading cause of casualties in Starfighter Command yet? It should be. No, really. It should be.

Lightsabers have a very specific set of protocools. First, they are never turned on. They may be "ignited," "thumbed on/off," or "lit," but under no circumstances may they simply connect the power cells to the focusing lens.

Another thing--lightsabers are a very vocal item, although not at all imaginative. Their one and only contribution to a conversation--and they way that they are perpetually ignited--is the snap-hiss . That's it.

**Note to all Canon fans... This has been sitting on my desktop for something like a year. If you are wondering, perchance, just why I've finished it NOW, it's because Edallia remarked to me the other day... "Why the HELL isn't that up yet?" And of course, gentle reader, when Edallia remarks anything, an update is soon to follow. I highly recommend petitioning her if I'm getting too lax for you.**